Thoughts of a normal "crazy" woman...

We don't always have life figured out...even when we look arranged and sane.  Sometimes we are going crazy trying to make the lemonade...but the lemons keep coming and coming...or do they ever really stop coming?  Life is a journey, and many of us carry burdens, even hidden burdens...not upon our backs, but upon our hearts.  I believe, or at least I hope that we all feel this way sometimes...a sweet acquaintance of mine made a comment about something she did each day, an insight into her life...and then immediately asked us to please not judge her, or commit her!  It made me laugh...it made me think of the many times I have "lost it" and wondered when they would commit me!  She has her life all together...doesn't she?  She seems like the most normal of all people...and that's when it hit me.  Normal is this...the hidden heartaches people carry, family problems, personal failures, loss, regret.  Normal is crazy...the crazy that we feel when we mess up once again, when we can't control everything around us, when we feel all alone.  Normal is grief, let-downs, stumbling blocks, sin...Normal is this world and everything around us...which is controlled by whom?  Think about it...who is the one in control of this earth?  Who takes control of our lives when we allow that?  We don't always have life figured out...sometimes we are going crazy...but can I only hope that I'm not alone in this feeling.  I imagine there are so many things out there that no one will ever know about...that every person deals with on a daily basis...or maybe even hourly, or minute by minute.  I imagine that...because I have felt that...I have experienced and still experience those intimate feelings, that you cannot share with another human being.  But there is someone that we can share those feelings with...someone that can carry those burdens of the heart...someone that knows us, and knows our "normal" and knows our doubts and fears, our mistakes and heartaches.  I can only wish that I have not heaped upon others burdens, by my actions, my comments, my own mistakes and faults.  I hope that in my insane thoughts and fears, I have not injured someone else...but that too, is only a hope.  I know that I have...unknowingly I have spoken out of turn, or been too honest, or struck out in defense...and I'm sure that I offended someone, not purposely, but even that is not a good excuse.  I wish I could change so many things in my life...this being one tiny one of them...so many others, that are huge...some that I can't ever take back, some that I probably haven't even done yet.  We don't always have life figured out...at least I don't...